As a leader I’m faced with making tough decisions, that invariably, make someone upset.  I used to simply think that I wasn’t going to make everyone happy, and leave it at that.  I’m realizing now, there is much more to decisions, unpopular ones included, and reflect on that below.

Using the statement “You can’t please everyone,” or “You can’t make everyone happy” is a total cop-out.

Saying this absolves you of all responsibility for building consensus and buy-in on a new idea or solution.  It also makes it sound like the parties that don’t agree with you are simply complaining, which often is not the case at all.

The statements fail to get at the root or deeper issues of a problem

Recently, we took a survey as a staff and I received two polar opposite feedback points – one person loved a special event we put on, one person hated it. This trend continued until by the end of the survey we were split 60/50.  Well – you can’t make everyone happy right? At least 60% of the school liked it!?

If I had said that, I would have failed to look at the deeper issues and statements behind the feedback.  In this case, both the ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ had shared communication was a challenge for the event. Only for the ‘dislikes’, it became a dealbreaker for the event. A few tweaks and everyone can get on board for this event next year

These statements shut down future feedback

Imagine when a person who disagrees with a decision is simply told, or overhears, “well we can’t make everyone happy!’ Is that person going to feel like their opinion was valued? Is that person going to continue to give feedback, knowing that if the group disagrees, they will just be seen as the “unhappy” lot who can’t be a team player?

Instead:

• Approach disagreement as good
• Don’t make it a ‘this’ or ‘that’ decision – Look for all the qualities that will make the end goal complete, then go about solving the problem from there.
• Think through the best way to solicit feedback before a decision is made  (survey, face to face, open/closed questions)
• Explain the good points and relevant feedback from the option or options that were not chosen
• Explain the ‘why’ behind the final decision
• Build acceptance, not agreement
• Continue listening to feedback as the decision is implemented.

A few weeks ago I shared that I am forcing myself to disconnect from e-mail with the exception of 3 times a day.  Here are some observations on how it’s going:

1. E-mail takes up more time than you think.

Between each “checking time” I received an average of 31 emails, with the fewest being during my longest no-check time (overnight).  This was fascinating to me, as I was shocked to learn that I’m receiving an average of 93 e-mails per day!  If each email takes 1 minute to read, we’re talking about devoting over an hour and a half just to reading, not responding to e-mails each day. If you’re a classroom teacher, that’s planning time along with lunch each day. (Note: Having been a classroom teacher, the number may not have been 93 a day, but it wasn’t 5 either).

2. Sending Fewer E-mails

By not opening up e-mail, I sent far fewer e-mails.  Given the amount I receive, I’m sure those I send e-mail to have enjoyed the fewer e-mails – even if it was just one or two less from me. See #1 for why this is important.

3. The big one: I spent more time than ever in classrooms.

Before I started my “3-a-day” experiment, I felt like I spent a ton of time in classrooms – but with it – I spent just over 32 extra minutes a day in classrooms.  This alone is enough to take pause.

BONUS Observation:

I picked up the phone and actually talked to people more, or went to their classrooms to chat.  This was truly incredible (not being dramatic).  The relationships you build face-to-face will always be deeper than those over e-mail.  The words you use face-to-face will always be more authentic than e-mail.  The body language and facial cues you receive back in face-to-face moments are non-existent through e-mail.

Just a quick update for today, next time I’ll share how this worked with “emergencies,” how I navigated it with those who expected an immediate response, my productivity, and if it’s something I think I can take on long-term.

A Book I’m reading: Target 100: The World’s Simplest Weight Loss System

I made some life changes a few months ago, trying to curb my sugar addiction and lose some weight.  I loved it but never understood the science behind weight loss.  This book does a great job of explaining how habits and your brain really affect weight loss.  Other than that, it’s a book with some practical advice about being healthy.  A line I will take with me: “Turn guilt into gratitude, or you’ll dive even deeper into guilt, away from your goals.”

An Article that was thought-provoking:

“Testing in a Meritocracy.” There is quite a bit of discussion lately here in New York about testing and “opting out” on NYS assessments.  While some of the frustration is certainly warranted, I believe there is something to be said for standardized assessments and their place in creating equity.  We’ve seen with the college admissions scandal that money can buy you anything.  We’ll never be able to truly stop privilege, but we can limit its control by ‘leveling the field.’ Perhaps testing, standardized or otherwise, helps to level the playing field for those who can’t buy their way into academic institutions.

A Website that is 100% worth the subscription – marshallmemo.com

If you work in education, definitely check out The Marshall Memo!  Each week, you’ll receive education updates and summaries of important research and topics.  I love it as it provides me with a board range of sources and some very interesting articles that I probably wouldn’t have come across without it (like the one I wrote about above).

1. A Netflix-School crossover:

When our son was born a few weeks ago, we binge-watched Marie-Kondo’s Netflix series: “Tidying up.” I hate clutter, so I loved the show – and was equally excited to see this article from education week about tiding up in the classroom.

2. A habit I just started, but love: Schedule e-mail checks.

Recently, I put “check e-mail” in my calendar 3 times a day.  I was finding myself a slave to e-mail, for no good reason.  I was checking compulsively for two reasons: getting e-mails to make me feel important & I was afraid to miss an e-mail chain where a decision was made and I was late to the party.

I started checking first thing in the morning, mid-morning and mid-afternoon.  Just like when I became intentional about social media, I reaped many benefits.  Getting rid of the “DING” or the need to check frequently boosted my productivity, lowered my anxiety, and allowed me to do even more “Deep Work.”

3. Book I’m reading: Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer.

There are countless parallels to climbing Mount Everest and school leadership. Until I’ve had a chance to really think them all through,  I’m enjoying this book.

Last Week’s Post

1. A habit I’m (still) trying –

   • ‘Foyer Phones’ – Last week I shared that my family and I are trying this..and this week I kicked it up a notch.  I am using “do not disturb” as the default mode when I’m at home.  iPhones and androids are so customizable nowadays that I was able to allow calls & text from only my immediate family & boss.

2. A thought from a book I’m (still) reading

   • This article was mentioned in the book “Digital Minimalism” that I shared about last week.  Powerful and actionable for those of us who are interested in advancing our career.  This advice goes against the grain, as many will tell you to spend dubious amounts of time on your personal “brand.”

3. A product I’m enjoying:

   • Self Journal – I like the ‘analog’ feel of being able to plan days and physically check items off a list. Also, it allows for daily gratitude and reflection.  I’m only on day 5, but it has already been helpful in creating positive routines and habits.

Happy Pi Day! This week, I’m focusing on some “digital minimalist” practices.

1. A habit I’m currently trying:

   -Foyer Phones: I’ve been putting my phone in the “foyer” area of our house, so it’s no longer next to me 24/7.  So far, I feel a bit less anxious and have already broken the “need” to check it at every buzz or beep I hear.

2. A youtube video I’m finding interesting:

   –Brain Hacking – how silicone valley is making you use social media more
   -I found this fascinating!  I love social media for my hobby of photography but have found that it can be quite addicting, and honestly, not really the best way to stay connected to those I am close with.

3. A thought from a book I’m currently reading:
   (Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport)

   -Take out all technology & apps, then introduce them one by one.  The criteria for reintroduction is:

   1. Does this app/tech serve something I deeply value?
   2. Is this the best way to use technology to serve this value?
   3. Place constraints on when, where and how often you’ll use it.

*originally published six months into my first school year*

I recently completed my first 6 months school administration.  I began this blog to document my own learning, but also because it was difficult to find any blogs or information about being an assistant principal – and certainly even fewer about being one in an elementary school.

These are 10 things I’ve learned so far:

1. Always put students first.
2. Plan your day, but know it’s rarely going to go as planned – and that’s ok.
3. Children and ADULTS need routines.
4. Plan your to-do items for specific days
5. Be ready for difficult conversations: with staff, students and parents/guardians.
6. Learning from a mistake is just as powerful as a ‘consequence’ for students.
7. Everyone’s problem is big in their eyes, treat it as such and offer perspective if appropriate.
8. You may end be the most mature person in a room, so act like it.
9. Balance is a myth, put your intense focus on things that matter for specified times.
10. Delegate to those you trust.

1. Human resource challenges will take up a lot of your time.
   Your admin program may have been the best in the country, but it likely didn’t prepare you enough for the human resource side of the job.  You will spend more time than you thought trying to work out interpersonal dynamics of a grade-level team, or coaching someone on how to deal with a difficult staff member.  Having professional, important, and sometimes awkward conversations is now part of your job. 
   —– Read up, and practice these, volunteer every chance you can, and then get feedback from a leader you trust. A quote I have on my desk is: “Hard Things are Hard.”  It’s a daily reminder that even if the situation is difficult, you still have to deal with it; you may actually be the best person for the job.
2. You will have ‘crazy days’ & ‘slow days’ – and both are ok.
   The vast majority of us will start our careers as assistant principals. That means most of the time you are focused on student behavior and school logistics.  Some days, you’ll run from crisis to crisis, hitting four-o’clock and realizing that you have not sat down or gone to the bathroom once.  That’s actually part of the job (cue hard things are hard from above).  Occasionally, you get a day where the school that you’ve helped lead, is humming along.  This is a great time to get your big to-do list items done, visit classrooms to be visible, and enjoy the many amazing parts of school administration. (Eating lunch with students is one of my favorites).
   —– Resist the urge to feel ‘guilty’ during these days.  Often, our Type-A personalities get the best of us, i.e. – ‘I have 20 minutes to eat lunch, that can’t be right,’ or ‘I just spent 10 minutes playing kickball with 3rd grade, what crisis is waiting for me?’  This thinking is dangerous.
3. It’s actually manageable.
   Full disclosure: I’ve only had 2 administrative experiences – both in “assistant principal” type capacities, but I’ve found both to be manageable.
   —— The secret here is making sure you have an effective system for dealing with things that will cause you to get behind or overwhelmed. For me, that’s e-mail and projects.  I’ve written about how I handle both here and here.  It’s easy to get into a conversation with other leaders about how “crazy” things are – but find your system that works, and work it! You don’t have to feel bad if you manage your time and capacity well.